Shouldn't Be Said
by Sarabibliomania
Summary: They were carved into my ribs jagged and uneven but permanent in their scars and chipped away at my bone like if they were ever said over thought they would be said too much and my chest would cave in on itself and I would be only remembered as the girl who was killed over a few short words that shouldn't be said and only be thought.


Disclaimer: This is just a scene I had planned for a fanfiction for this movie that someday hopefully I'll get around to writing. The POV is from a character I created who is Robbie's girlfriend and is not by canon in the actual story. It is a Rated M story for obvious reasons that you will see down the line. It is almost 5:00 am here so i apologise for the lack of editing. Enjoy!

His hand was cold and chaffing against mine, the dampness of his sleeve rubbing raw against my palm and forcing the pink of it into an ugly red. He ducked into the thicket of spindled trees and held them back for me as I stepped into the disheveled clearing, the ground hard underneath my feet and the frigid chill stitching its way into my boots. His grip slid from mine and my footsteps crunched over the leaves as I brought my hands to my lips and blew on them in a poor attempt of warmth, my fingers like half hardened wax – cold but still malleable.

I slowly turned to face him, leaves and sticks shattering under the soles of my feet and pressing against the faked leather and scuffing up their sides. He stepped from the "doorway" of branches we just entered and blew on his own hands to warm them, the edge of his sleeve curled with half frozen ice and cutting on the bone that barely protruded from his wrist. He flicked his bangs away from his eyes and something deep inside me cut away at the memory of how many times he repeated the action rather then moving aside his hair with his fingers or getting a cheapened hair cut. I offered so many times to do it myself and he always laughed off the suggestion, teasing that I secretly liked it. I did.

He filled the space between us with several steps, the blue sharpness to his eyes paralyzing as he reached for my clasped hands and raised them to his lips, brushing over my knuckles and the tiny scars I had inflicted from half hearted cuts with a compass or the jagged edge of my years old ruler. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips more firmly against my fingers, holding me still and frozen as if he could hold onto the moment if he held it tight enough and didn't let time or the cold steal it away.

He lifted his eyes to mine, white fading from the cold tinged pink of my skin where his lips were and waited, a thousand things he wanted to say but couldn't voice crumbling in the bites of wind and falling at our feet like the tousled leaves, splintering until they made no sense but still blanketing our steps. I knew what they were though. The words he wanted to say. The thoughts he wanted to promise. They were carved into my ribs jagged and uneven but permanent in their scars and chipped away at my bone like if they were ever said over thought they would be said too much and my chest would cave in on itself and I would be only remembered as the girl who was killed over a few short words that shouldn't be said and only be thought.

He leaned in and kissed me in a single fluid moment, his lips catching misplaced over mine and pressing deeper so I could taste how chapped his lips were and the flickering but strong sense that under their dryness and inaudible tremble was something that was his and thus mine and was an unspoken word that neither of us said and only scrawled between moments and faded before the other could do a double take and make sure it had existed and wasn't imagination.

I kissed him back just as fierce, untangling my fingers from their waxen hold and digging them into folded layers of his hood with the once soft blend of it that I had so often called my own and teasingly worn in front of him just so he could complain and intimately pull off. It was cold now. Damp. Pieces of it hardened in the cold and wind so when I gripped them I remembered where we were and what had happened and that it wasn't a memory I could find comfort in but a now that had no place in my timeline or any others, a blackened scribble against an otherwise politely written page that made the whole book look tainted.

He broke his lips from mine and pressed his forehead against my cheek, his breath coming out in harsh pants and their shape momentarily crystallized in the air before fading out as if they never existed and for a moment he hadn't breathed and the world had gone silent in it's absence. I closed my eyes and titled my lips to his head, tasting the strands of his hair that balanced between curled and straight and driving me to a memory of frustration that it never decided between the two.

The sound of a zipper slid sharply through my thoughts and I opened my eyes, a haze of darkness blurring their corners and a jagged taste of wind making them water and my tongue taste of metallic. He lifted his head from where it rested heavily at my cheek and pulled at the thin and dirtied corners of his jacket with trembled fingers that couldn't seem to grip properly and fumbled in their attempts. He shrugged at the sleeves instead, the fabric bunching at his elbows then his wrists before it balled in his hands, fingers lost in the sickly green colour. A near audible shudder passed over him in a wisped movement before he spread out the awkward shape and bent to stretch it out behind me, a sleeve where my feet stood, the collar at an angle.

He re stood and stepped closer to me, no thought shaping before his lips were on mine again, the metallic taste on my tongue now almost sweetened and teasing me as it turned and rolled and broke over our lips. He dug his fingers into my hair, the dirtied blonde strands lost over his shortened nails and creases to his palms which I once outlined with my tongue and felt his body stiffen then relax under the touch. He kissed me again, then once more and again before he eased his hand against my back and my knees slowly gave beneath me bending towards his and kneeling us onto the sleeve of his jacket and the broken skin of the leaves.

I reached my elbows behind me and slowly laid back; every shift or give I made slowed like it had passed through too many commands before action and forgot what it was supposed to do on its way. The jacket became solid beneath me and I reconciled with it, my head falling just short of where it ended and resting onto the leaves that crackled under the weight and scrawled darkly through my thoughts with recent memories that blackened out what I felt and saw and how it was different from what I once knew and tasted.

He knelt at my feet, my legs spread just enough so that the inside of my ankles were on either side of him and anchoring him there frozen, his eyes suddenly unfocused and too focused all at once. I swallowed hard and the coldness bit like sharp metal in my throat, bleeding its taste down my throat and turning my insides unsettled and slick. He righted himself to reach on either side of me, palm facing down on either side of my head and his weight invisible over me but pressed against my every inc, little triggers I could taste that he would move a certain way or blink or breathe in a way that startled me and break me inward in a collapse of blood and bone.

He barely brushed his nose with mine before he kissed me, lips dancing over mine and the faint cracks sunk into their skin that I bit at and tasted, a tremble running flush through my blood and awakened in my bones. It woke him, a thought or a taste that I could only guess and lose on a full notion, and his lips moved from mine to my neck and over my collarbone, tongue delicately slid over the hard shape and tracing it into a new one he made for himself.

His fingers fumbled at the buttons of my coat and he pressed his lips inside where it was almost warm, catching the low lace of my shirt and along the swell of my breast that he had long ago memorized but now knew in a different sense. I tightened my fingers into the earth, nails broken under with dirt and chipped leaves as he kissed desperately over my stomach and to my hips, shifting my jacket enough to bite on the bone and trace his tongue along the top of dirt crusted jeans.

My breath was becoming uneven, chipped together with the second chipping away at the first and leaving me gasping before the third. He ran his lips along the inside of my legs, fingers skimming over the fabric and catching at a rip or a pocket and tracing it's shape so his skin touched mine underneath and I was a flush of white heat before again ice cold as he moved.

He lifted his head and his eyes met mine, his Adams apple bopped as he swallowed and a moment frozen and cutting into the one before it and the one after as he waited, eyes just above the zipper of my jeans and his fingers splayed at the inside of my thigh, tracing shapes that had no name and words that shouldn't be said. I licked my lips, tasting the cold that had its own shape in the air of something ugly and inhuman and nodded, my chin for a moment buried in the near warmth of my jacket before once again settled in the cold and the contrast bleeding into both and staining one light and the other one dark.

His fingers trembled on my jean button and undid it with a fragile care that seemed to do the opposite of its intent and run jagged over me in clips of sharpness that made me shift on the ground like I couldn't get comfortable and the promise was just out of reach. He licked his lips sharply and I felt his fingers slide under the waist of my jeans and slowly inch them off, a burn replacing where the fabric met and coldness right after, breaking me between the two scents: one of something rough and dirtied the other of something gentle and clean.

I arched my hips and he was able to slide at them more easily, the moment overlapped with the half a dozen times before when we got this far but broken by that it had ended on a promise unfulfilled and a frustration that boiled hotly in my blood after and turning my insides liquid. A chill nipped at my skin and I shivered at the sensitive skin now exposed and breathed shallowly, a pinch in my throat that caught them halfway through and restarted on the next before I could recover from the first.

He shifted closer to me, my jeans only barely pulled loose, and sucked on his fingers, shaking heavily and flicking his hair out of his eyes so the pain in my chest worsened and I had to bite on the taste to hold the fragile bits of me together. He swallowed hard and shifted his fingers to the space between my legs where there was a second of loss followed by a moment of pain broken with pleasure. I cried out and I felt my toes curl inside my boots, the tip digging into the dirt and loud in the air, the only sound of my breathing and only feel of my heartbeat and his fingers like they decided each other's fate and tugged one another into the second leaned too far on one side before righting on the other.

I breathed in the rhythm of his fingers, slow, easy breaths that stretched out into the other and faded back in one motion as I could feel my heart beat shattered across me and a thousand tenses lit up under my skin as a silent pulse that I couldn't control and found its own way at his encouragement. The sky twisted hazily above me and I lost focus on where the clouds and sky separated and whether or not they had always been one or had some time long ago been two separate entities that burned their colour out together and faded into nothingness that only I could recognize and name. Robbie.

The pressure faded then ended and I raised my head, my shoulders heavy and pulling me back as he shifted back on his knees from me, the leaves and dirt shifting under him in muffled breaks I could almost not hear, my thoughts still lost in my heartbeat and the dull fade of the clouds. He raised his eyes to mine; panting slightly and an indivisible tremble running along his skin like a hot wire had gone through it and sparked inside his bones. He raised his fingers to his lips and carefully sucked on the tips of them, his tongue barely catching out over each one and I felt everything fall back into focus and a sharp intensity that pressured me from all sides.

His weight came back over mine and I lay back down again, fingers losing themselves in the collapsed folds of his shirt and the skin underneath, the fine sheen of hair over his chest and the toned trace of muscle heated under my touch. He swallowed hard and bumped his lips to mine, a shattered gasp more than a kiss but the taste of it upending my insides with a need I couldn't name but curling itself within his name.

He pulled back with one hand and fumbled at his jeans, hair grazing over my forehead and teasing goose bump sharply under my skin. He grunted in frustration and sat back, both hands at his waist and undoing the button and then his zipper, a tangle of hair visible where they came undone and sharp points along my skin breaking into a heat that stole my breath and made the world dizzy. He shoved his pants down lower and readjusted himself, licking his lips nervously and glancing up at me, his eyes lost behind the strands of his hair that shattered their clear blue with darkness and making my insides hurt.

He crawled up again on top of me, fists pressed to the dirt on either side to hold him up but with the hang of his jacket and scratch of the hair between his legs teasing me with the knowledge that he was there but not nearly close enough. He pressed his forehead to mine, already panting and the feel fragile to my lips like a kiss I couldn't quite taste. He swallowed and I reached up to entwine my fingers in his hair, ringlets darkly surrounding each finger that I could remember running through as we lay entwined on my couch, a movie playing that we both ignored and my father popping his head in every few seconds to make sure that we were decent and that he wasn't defiling his daughter.

'It's ugh ... it's going to hurt.' He gasped out the words, his voice broken in the air as if the cold had claimed it and burned out the taste, the remains scattered over me and his voice on every inch of my skin. 'You can ... bite my shoulder. If it helps.' I nodded, his forehead shifted to mine in the movement and losing the darkness of his hair to the lightness of mine and dulling out the colour of both. He pressed a desperate kiss to my lips, stealing the breath I hadn't had a chance to make and reached down between us, fingers searching and my heart catching as he moved.

I sank my teeth into his shoulder, a scream I couldn't bear rushed into my throat and choking me, the taste of his sweater overheated on my tongue and the patch of cold wetness dizzying to the taste. He was still and I could feel his lips brushing alongside the side of my neck and in the fine hairs of the nape, tongue pressed along the curve and his pants barely controlled as he waited for me, the world stilled as he lay there and waited.

I breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of him and the taste that lingered, my head spinning and the pain making me feel sick but that there was no real threat only a sharpness that faded and made me feel weak as if I had been wrung out and left with half of me gone and the other half misplaced inside. I sucked at his neck and he shuddered, fingers scrambled at the dirt to find mine and twisting them together, desperation to it like he was losing himself and needed me to hold onto.

I pulled my face from his neck, my vision blurred that I blinked away and righting the world back to its original place. He swept back my hair from my face with his other hand, fingers lingered across my cheek as his eyes searched mine, for the first time more than one colour but a million tones that collided and broke into words with no shape and shapes with no end. I smiled faintly, a rolling under my skin as if my insides were being slowly unsettled and building into a different chaos.

He smiled in return, somewhat breathless as he traced over my lips with his fingertip and kissed me gently, moving his hips awkwardly, and a gasp interrupting the taste. He moved again, this time no less uncertain as I bit lightly on his lower lip, rolling it over my tongue and breaking loose his concentration. He grunted, the sound low in his throat as he moved again, the shift hot under my skin and my fingers digging into his with the coldness of the dirt underneath us a sharp reminder that we were not allowed to get lost.

I tightened my other hand into his jacket and buried my face again into his neck, a freckle just over his collar that had always distracted me in class in how enticingly low it was marked on his neck. I ran my tongue over it, the fine strands of hair soft under the taste and my senses blurring together so that there was only him that kept me from disappearing and him that I lost myself in all at once. I could remember the first moment I met him fractured with the first time we kissed, the first time we fought with the first chance we nearly got to get this far to be interrupted by that first fight, the moment I thought he was going to go with those soldiers and the moment I knew what he couldn't say for the first time but couldn't focus enough to figure out what it was.

His breathing was getting sharper and shallower, his already uneven thrusts become more unsettled but I could still feel the heat of each one. His face was buried into my shoulder now, his breaths rasped as he panted almost as if he was in pain, his fingers curled through mine with his other hand holding onto my shoulder and pressing me tighter to him like the world was falling apart at his touch and I was the one thing that held him upright.

I ran my lips alongside of his neck as I felt my insides bubbling, my skin melting and reshaping, my thoughts shattered and crackling as sparks as they lost their way and collided into new thoughts that made no sense and didn't fit. His pants became shorter like he couldn't breathe and I could feel him tensing, the remains of my senses telling me that he was close before scattering themselves into blurs that I couldn't name. I pressed deeper into his neck and ran my tongue over the freckle on his collar, lightly biting at the skin with the taste of his name audible on my lips.

His body tensed all at once before I more felt then heard him cry out and a sob escape his lips that broke in the air and sank into the dirt in jagged pieces that no one could ever claim. His body sagged and he collapsed against me, his fingers going limp in mine and the sudden sharpness of sweat broken on my lips. I gasped slightly at the weight of him and licked at the taste on my lips, my whole boy trembling and feeling like I had been burned inside and out.

The sky was uneasy above me and I watched in partial interest at the shifting of wind moving the clouds, the tree branches above us swaying and cutting the colour in jagged darkness that held me still in reality with the fragile leaves struggling to hold their place. I could feel my breathing return to normal, each breath less sharp and less impatient for the next one, my thoughts falling back into place and reminding me of things I didn't want to remember and forgetful of what used to mean so much and now was scribbled out so carefully you could barely tell there had been words in the first place.

His fingers lazily traced through mine and I closed my eyes at the warm heat of him on top of me, the buttons of his sweater pressed through mine and the ache of him between my legs that was sharp with a bitter scent of metallic. I felt him swallow and I opened my eyes as he raised his head, hair falling into his face and the different tones to his eyes vibrant and focused so that it seemed stupid that I never noticed. He ran his finger along my jaw and I pressed my lips over the tips, catching them gently with my tongue and listening to his breathing slow and the wind interrupt it with a cold brush making my hair stand on end.

'I'm in love with you.'

His voice was crackled and on the verge of breaking and I barely raised my eyes to look at him, his fingers now to my chin and lightly playing over the skin. He swallowed hard and looked almost fragile, sweat along his neck and into his hair, his eyes focused on mine and the faintest trace of a smile on his lips as he said the words we promised not to say with the sound I didn't even know possible to think. I smiled back, exhausted and wanting to curl up here with him, stay locked and frozen in the thicket with him, the sky and clouds lost above us and the wind low but unthreatening, his taste on my lips and the feel of him against and inside me. Where the end of the world couldn't touch us and whatever was hunting us passed on unseeing, just him and me and the death of two people at the hands of the words no language could voice properly and that neither of us should ever have said.

'I'm in love with you too.'


End file.
